Capitalism, survival, ambition, this never-ending chase…

I used to be a full 9-5er almost all through the past year of my life. The last time I was one was in 2022. I don’t miss it.

I miss some parts of it, honestly, but I really don’t when it comes down to it.

Every day for the first six months, I burned my salary in transportation. The sweat, the smell, the weariness, the “I just want to get home safely.” I don’t miss it. ✋🏽

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When I eventually switched to the BRT, it felt safer for one. I never made a friend, but I started to recognize some faces.

I liked plugging my phone into the BRT‘a charging port. I even started to fancy this fine boy that used to get to the BRT late, same as myself lol.

It had its moments. Not the waking up at 6 a.m. to go and queue for the bus. Not the anxiety of a 4 p.m. meeting running over and making me miss my ride, because yes, it would definitely exceed a one-hour meeting. Not the frantic race after 5 p.m., hoping the bus would still be there.

But the familiarity of it, maybe.

And yet, there was always something about the BRT that made me sad.

I’d be on my way home, sitting in a bus with 30 to 50 people, and within minutes, over half of them would be deep in sleep. Just gone.

Sometimes I’d just pause, just look. You’d see the tiredness on their faces; 20-something-year-olds, mothers and fathers and grandfathers and grandmothers, but predominantly 20-something-year-olds, working hard, slaving our youths away in this capitalism era lol.

And as usual, one thought would be in my mind:

How do we do it? When does it end? What’s even the purpose of it all?

To devote your life to one company, one industry, climb up the career ladder, jump from bus to bus, even if you have to queue… all for what?

Is there something else to attain?

How, and why do we do it?

And maybe that’s the real question—are we really doing it, or are we just moving because that’s what we’re supposed to do?

Is this how life is meant to be? Or is this just the version of life we’ve accepted?

Because if you ask anyone why they do it, you’ll hear things like:

“I need to survive.”

“I need to build my future.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

And maybe that’s true. Maybe we really don’t have a choice. Maybe it’s just how the world works. You find a job, you make money, you build a life, and then you just… keep going.

But sometimes I wonder—what happens when the going stops? When the career ladder has been climbed, when the bus rides turn into private car rides, when the exhaustion shifts from physical to emotional… then what?

Does it ever feel like enough? Or do we just find new things to chase?

Do we ever get to pause, to breathe, to redefine what success means on our own terms? Or are we all just moving, running, chasing, hoping that one day, it all makes sense?

I don’t have an answer, really. Just questions. And thoughts. Thoughts about how we’re all in this cycle, trying to make something of ourselves, hoping that at the end of it all, it actually means something.

Maybe it does. Maybe we figure it out along the way. Hopefully we do.

But if nothing else, I hope we’re not just doing it for the sake of doing it. I hope we’re finding something: joy, purpose, fulfillment—somewhere in the middle of all this.

Because otherwise… what’s the point?

I don’t have the answers. But I think they’re worth asking.

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I’ll be looking forward to your thoughts.

Till next time,

All my love,

Grace. 🫶🏽